Why Is This So Hard?

A year and a half ago I went to a new OB/GYN in hopes of figuring out what my issue was with regards to fertility. Logan was a COMPLETE fluke and, although we hadn't been "trying", we also hadn't been preventing anything since Logan's 1st birthday. Well, almost 1 1/2 years later, still nothing. But yet I torture myself by watching Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant, where these girls get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Of course. But I digress...this new OB/GYN worked with me for 6 months, doing sonograms, medicines, even a round of injections, before referring me to a specialist. It took me a while to get up the nerve to call the specialist. For one, I still didn't want to believe I needed that much help. I got pregnant with Logan without help, why is this time different? For another, fertility specialists are expensive. And insurance doesn't cover it, even if there is a medical reason behind it (which I still don't understand to this day). Neither doctor was able to tell me exactly what my problem was except for the fact that I didn't ovulate. I understand that, but why not? I have polycystic ovaries (according to one sonogram by the specialist, but that was never mentioned in all the sonos by my OB??) but not Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (my bloodwork didn't match up to that diagnosis). Three months with the specialist and hundreds of dollars later, still nothing. Clomid wasn't strong enough one month but was too strong the next month, causing massive cysts. Seriously, can't my body just work right for once?? The specialist wanted me to try an IUI the following month but those are way more expensive (like $600 not including meds and injections) and I still wasn't ready to believe I needed that much help. So we decided to take some time off and stop bleeding money for a little bit and relax a little to see if it would just happen...

Fast forward 8 months--and here we are. Still nothing. I've tried herbal stuff and fertility monitors and "relaxing" as much as possible. Meanwhile, everyone and their dog is pregnant right now with their 2nd or 3rd kid it seems like, including my best friend. Granted, she did the IUI that I was too chicken/in denial to do but she needed that for her 1st child so it was more understandable for her to have another IUI. I am due for my annual exam in March so I am thinking I will talk to my OB/GYN again and see what he thinks. I am hoping he will work with me again on sonos and injections since it's been a year--he can code it differently so that it is covered under insurance. If he recommends a specialist again, I plan on going to a different one that I have heard great things about by several friends/acquaintances. This one seems a bit pricier from their website but I have been told that they work with you and try to find studies for you to participate in as well.

My 1st time seeing/holding Logan~A moment I'll never forget

I know this post is random, but it's been on my mind a lot. I know I didn't go the specialist for very long before taking a break but it just seemed like he wanted to do the IUI for speed's sake instead of working to try to figure out what the actual problem is. I know I want a baby but I would also like to know why my body doesn't work, so it just didn't feel right to do an IUI yet. So, I've gone back and forth about whether I am not trying hard enough to get pregnant but I just don't want to do unnecessary stuff if there is some way I can do it without extra medical assistance. I am really going to appreciate this pregnancy when/if it happens...I can't wait for the day Logan gets to wear a "Big Brother" shirt.