Thursday, January 12, 2012

Here We Go!!!!

So I had my dreaded appointment yesterday (only dreaded because of my ridiculous anxiety, otherwise I was excited) at noon. I took a 1/2 a xanax the night before and slept wonderfully. Woke up the next morning to a text requesting a showing at our house from 3-4. Great. I had to get up and clean the entire house before we left to head out to Las Colinas for the doctor. Just one more thing to pile on top of my already anxious self. I ran around like a crazy woman, cleaning every room, while Logan ate breakfast and played and watched movies/TV (yep, so sue me). I was done within an hour and a half, hopped in the shower, and left the house right on time. Oh yeah, I popped a xanax for good measure. Turns out, it was probably a blessing in disguise that I had to get up and didn't leave me any time to sit around and watch the clock and worry about going to the doctor or how it would go.

We drove to meet Chris at the Chick-Fil-A right by the doctor (luckily Chris works 5 minutes from there) and I left them there to eat, all the while reminding myself to breathe and relax and that this was an exciting thing. Got there, signed in, and they told me my $40 copay was covered because I had a $95 credit from last time. Awesome. We're off to a good start. Then they call me back to weigh me (ugh) and take my blood pressure. I warn them (as I always do) that it will be high due to my anxiety. Sure enough, it was. They ended up taking it 2 more times after I was done talking to the doctor, and of course, it went down a little bit each time.

We head back to the room and I wait for the Dr. He comes in and takes me back to his office. We go over everything, any changes, etc. I am feeling calm and getting excited to get the process started. We agree on a plan--straight to IUI, no other messing around with trying other stuff this time. Let's get this party started, as Logan would say.

The Plan:
Provera: starting now to induce a cycle
Day 2 of cycle: Ultrasound to check for cysts
**If all is normal, start on 150 mg of Clomid (I've never done a dose that high), dexa...something (it's a steroid to regulate my androgen levels--also, never taken this), and injections of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (either Bravelle, Follistim, or Gonal-F). I will continue with my daily Metformin as well.**
Day 13-14: Ultrasound to check for follicles (hoping they're big enough)
**HCG shot to induce ovulation**
24-36 hours after follicles are at the right size: IUI (hopefully--if the follicles don't get big enough or get too big, we have to cancel the cycle and try again the next month)
2 weeks later: Pregnancy test

Now, even with ALL of this, the doctor told me there is only a 20% chance of it working. 20 freaking percent--isn't that ridiculous? How in the world did I ever end up pregnant with Logan without even trying? It just reminds me how much of a miracle he really is. Anyway, it could take multiple tries (both of the people I know that have done an IUI, it has taken 2 rounds) to become pregnant, but I am remaining hopeful. If all goes well, I should start my meds and injections around the beginning of February and possible be pregnant by the end of February. I know, I am getting ahead of myself, but I am so done with being depressed and worried about it, that I have to be this way so I stay excited.

Thank you for all of your encouragement and support along the way. Most of this is all new to me so I appreciate every kind word and prayer (if you so choose).

**I know most of you won't know what any of this means, or what these medications/procedures,etc., are, but it helps keep my head clear if I write it out. And it will serve as good documentation so I can keep it all straight if we end up having to do multiple cycles.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

To IUI or Not To IUI?

This has been my question for the last year and a half. I have been battling with myself constantly over this and I know you have all heard it all before...I got Logan naturally, why can't I with this one? Am I a failure? Why is it so hard? Am I not trying hard enough? Maybe there's a reason I haven't gotten pregnant? The list goes on and on.

A year and a half ago I went to the fertility specialist and did a couple rounds of clomid and injections, which didn't work. He wanted to go ahead and do an IUI the next cycle but I just wasn't ready. I had just left teaching and we didn't want to spend the money and we thought that by me not working and having less stress that it would help in the fertility department. Looking back, we probably should have just done it but I really just didn't feel ready for it at the time. And I haven't felt ready for it--no amount of convincing or anxiety meds could help me make that phone call. It is hard to explain. Yes, I want to be pregnant and have another child so badly but going through all the testing/drugs/etc and the expense is a lot to deal with.

But now. NOW. I am ready. Like, so ready, I would call today and make the appointment if it wasn't a Saturday. I am not quite sure what the sudden change is (other than I told myself I would make the call in January) but I finally feel good about it. I have lost about 24 pounds and my cycles are semi-regular, but not normal by any means (still 45ish days apart, but that's tons better than the 90+ days it used to be). A friend of mine just found out she is pregnant after her 2nd round of IUI so that gives me some hope that it will work for me, too. I mean, I know it works, but I just worry that my body is so messed up that it will take a lot of time and money to actually make it happen, which makes me anxious. If nothing else has worked in the past (meds, injections, OPK's, sonograms, etc) then how will this be different? That is what worries me.

But how will I know if I don't try? The thing with IUI is that they have to monitor you very closely with multiple sonograms to see when/if you ovulate and since I ovulate (maybe) on a different schedule because my cycles are so long, then it makes sense that I would need that extra monitoring. In the past, my OBGYN had just given me meds and told me to come back on day 14 but since I don't have a 28 day cycle, that never worked. At least this way, we'll get a better idea of what is (or isn't) going on with my body. I am finally ready and it feels really good. Luckily, we have a very supportive family and my aunt and uncles have given us some money to go toward the cost and are willing to help with a 2nd round if necessary. Wish us luck!!