Wednesday, July 27, 2011

New Recipes (thanks to Pinterest)

My sister invited me to join Pinterest a few months ago but I had no idea what it was or why it was as cool as she was claiming it was. Everyone kept saying it was a ginormously wonderful time suck and I just didn't get it--until now. I have found and "pinned" everything from things for the classroom to things for our next house or next baby and a LOT of recipes. I have tried 3 in the past week. All are keepers. There are a ton more I haven't gotten to, including an embarrassing amount of sweets and desserts that I can't wait to try (even though I shouldn't).

The first one I tried was Weight Watchers Taco Casserole. I thought it was good, Chris thought it needed more spice, and Logan, well, Logan wouldn't touch it but he won't touch many casseroles unless forced, especially if there's meat involved. I used ground meat instead of ground chicken because that's what I had on hand.

A couple nights later I tried Grilled Balsamic-Garlic Crusted Pork Tenderloin. I didn't grill it because Chris wasn't home and I don't trust myself around a grill. I also only did one pork tenderloin (it calls for 2, but since it's just 3 of us that's way too much) so I cut the recipe in half. It was very good, even Logan ate 6 small chunks, which is way out of his character. Typically he'll eat one or two because we make him try it but he ate everything I put on his plate without an argument. There may or may not have been a popsicle promised afterward. Either way, he ate it so it's definitely a keeper.

Tonight I made Weight Watchers Bruschetta Chicken Bake. I made the whole recipe, but put them in two dishes--one to freeze and one to cook tonight. BTW, I love that trick. I used to make an entire 13x9 casserole and poor Chris would be eating leftovers for a week or more (or it would get thrown out). Now, I just split it up so we have meals in the freezer. Works wonderfully. It was very good, Chris really seemed to enjoy this one. Next time I'll probably add more cheese on top right before it's done cooking but it definitely is just a personal preference. Also, the recipe didn't specify a temperature so I did 30 minutes at 350 degrees and the chicken wasn't quite cooked so I upped it to 400 degrees for 10 more minutes and it was done. So next time I'll do 400 for 30 minutes and it should be fine.

Next up to try:
Dreamsicle Shiver
Crock Pot Brown Sugar and Balsamic Glazed Pork Loin
Lemon Chicken
S'mores Candy Bars or S'mores Cookies or S'mores Pie (can you tell I love s'mores??)
Key Lime Cheesecake Bars (yum!)
and I would love to try these Homemade Goldfish Crackers for Logan

These won't get done in the next week by any means (I've got to stretch my grocery budget over the whole month!) but I can't wait to try them. If you are not on Pinterest, you should be. It's trouble. Leave your email address and I'll send you an invite.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Vicious Cycle

You know what sucks about infertility? The depression, self-blame, and confusion it causes, which causes you to not want to do anything other than lay in bed, which in turn means you're not doing what you need to do in order to get pregnant. And when you do, it's typically because you know you have to at least try. But it's a chore and you know in the back of your head it's probably not going to work...and then it's confirmed later that month, which puts you right back in your pit of depression. And it starts all over again.

It just sucks. What sucks worse is when nothing you've tried works. And the only thing left is a miracle or a pricey treatment, that even then isn't guaranteed. And with my body and how it's responded (or not responded) to everything else I've tried, I'm not real eager to spend that money.

It also sucks that despite the fact that I have a wonderful, funny, cute, smart 4 year old curly-headed, blond hair, blue eyed little boy, I still feel incomplete. Yet I can't change that. I can't fix it or fill that void, no matter what I try. It sucks that he is a year away from kindergarten and he doesn't have any siblings that I so desperately want him to have. I long to see how he interacts with my pregnant belly and eventually his newborn sibling, but for now it's just a dream in my head that I hope will come true sooner than later. And although I used to want my kids to all be about 2 years apart, I have now come to realize that I have really been able to enjoy 4 full years with just Logan, getting to know him and devote time to just him instead of him having to constantly share me. Now, if I had more kids closer together, I am sure my thoughts would be different. I am sure I have just adapted my thinking to avoid a deeper depression about the subject.

I just hope this vicious cycle is over soon.

Long Overdue Update

I haven't written in a while because there really wasn't anything to write about, at least in the fertility department. Logan and I have been trying to keep busy this summer, despite the heat, which usually means trips to the library, movies, or even just to Target to walk around. We've done a couple days at the water park but they're just so expensive. For our next house I am totally looking for one with a pool!  Oh yeah, our house is on the market. We've had lots of showings, but no offers yet. But it's just been a month now. We're hoping to get something cheaper, closer to Chris' work, hopefully in the Grapevine area.

We've been doing lots of things with my best friend, Lindsey, and her little girl Reagan who is 3. She and Logan have become fast friends, which we love. Last year, they were still too different in age to play together (2 & 3) but this year (3 & 4) they seem to be able to play and get along much better.

As far as fertility, after our last failed Clomid cycle (where my body did NOTHING, by the way), my OB/GYN said I needed to go ahead and move on to the specialist again but he did put me on Metformin, which is usually given to diabetics to help regulate their blood sugar or block some extra sugars in their body or something like that. Well, apparently it works on women with PCOS because it somehow blocks the extra testosterone and sometimes regulates their cycles, helping them to ovulate and hopefully become pregnant. I don't know all the medical stuff involved, but I figured I'd give it a shot. After being on it 3 weeks, I got my first non-induced cycle! Now I don't know for sure that the Metformin did it, but for at least the past year I've had to induce my cycles with Provera, so this was my first "natural" cycle. And let me tell you, it was NOT. FUN. AT. ALL. The Metformin comes with some not so fun side effects, though, mainly involving the stomach and digestive system. I'm finally over the constant nausea that lasted a month but there are lingering side effects that aren't enjoyable (although the lack of appetite doesn't bother me). But I am losing weight. So, if another cycle comes on in the next week, then I will continue to deal with the side effects because that means my body is finally doing something right, which makes it worth it. Chris may disagree...I've been pretty unpleasant lately.

In other news, we've been trying to figure out what I am going to do next year. I am not watching the other little boy anymore so I have to do something to bring in some income and take some of the load off Chris. I had *planned* on subbing at Logan's MDO so he would be 1/2 price and I would have some income. Wouldn't be much, but it would be something since they didn't have any teacher openings. Then a lady I worked with at my old school texted me about a part-time SPED position at our school that they just posted, which typically means M-F 7:40-11:40 am. Inner conflict immediately ensued. Do I really want to go back already? I just started staying home. Will everyone think I am a SAHM failure since I came back so soon? What if I get pregnant? Where will Logan go? Before I could think too much, I applied. Doesn't mean I'll get it, but we can just see what happens. But the inner conflict hasn't stopped. While everyone who told me staying home is a blessing is absolutely correct, I can't help but wonder if their budget was as tight as ours is and at what point is it more of a strain? I mean, our budget is TIGHT. That's part of the reason we are trying to get into a cheaper house, we bought this one when we were both working. Most days, Logan and I just stay home to conserve gas and money. And I get bored. And Logan loves TV. And I let him watch it...probably too much (although he is usually playing and doing other stuff while it's on. That's better, right?). I am not that crafty mom that does projects and activities everyday, although we do workbooks and paint, just not everyday. Most days I feel like such a bad SAHM. Is that normal? Why does this have to be so hard? Something just seems to be missing, maybe it's a baby, maybe it's just the money. But it's something. And I am exhausted trying to figure it out. Am I alone in this thinking? Please tell me I am not.