Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Long Overdue Update

I haven't written in a while because there really wasn't anything to write about, at least in the fertility department. Logan and I have been trying to keep busy this summer, despite the heat, which usually means trips to the library, movies, or even just to Target to walk around. We've done a couple days at the water park but they're just so expensive. For our next house I am totally looking for one with a pool!  Oh yeah, our house is on the market. We've had lots of showings, but no offers yet. But it's just been a month now. We're hoping to get something cheaper, closer to Chris' work, hopefully in the Grapevine area.

We've been doing lots of things with my best friend, Lindsey, and her little girl Reagan who is 3. She and Logan have become fast friends, which we love. Last year, they were still too different in age to play together (2 & 3) but this year (3 & 4) they seem to be able to play and get along much better.

As far as fertility, after our last failed Clomid cycle (where my body did NOTHING, by the way), my OB/GYN said I needed to go ahead and move on to the specialist again but he did put me on Metformin, which is usually given to diabetics to help regulate their blood sugar or block some extra sugars in their body or something like that. Well, apparently it works on women with PCOS because it somehow blocks the extra testosterone and sometimes regulates their cycles, helping them to ovulate and hopefully become pregnant. I don't know all the medical stuff involved, but I figured I'd give it a shot. After being on it 3 weeks, I got my first non-induced cycle! Now I don't know for sure that the Metformin did it, but for at least the past year I've had to induce my cycles with Provera, so this was my first "natural" cycle. And let me tell you, it was NOT. FUN. AT. ALL. The Metformin comes with some not so fun side effects, though, mainly involving the stomach and digestive system. I'm finally over the constant nausea that lasted a month but there are lingering side effects that aren't enjoyable (although the lack of appetite doesn't bother me). But I am losing weight. So, if another cycle comes on in the next week, then I will continue to deal with the side effects because that means my body is finally doing something right, which makes it worth it. Chris may disagree...I've been pretty unpleasant lately.

In other news, we've been trying to figure out what I am going to do next year. I am not watching the other little boy anymore so I have to do something to bring in some income and take some of the load off Chris. I had *planned* on subbing at Logan's MDO so he would be 1/2 price and I would have some income. Wouldn't be much, but it would be something since they didn't have any teacher openings. Then a lady I worked with at my old school texted me about a part-time SPED position at our school that they just posted, which typically means M-F 7:40-11:40 am. Inner conflict immediately ensued. Do I really want to go back already? I just started staying home. Will everyone think I am a SAHM failure since I came back so soon? What if I get pregnant? Where will Logan go? Before I could think too much, I applied. Doesn't mean I'll get it, but we can just see what happens. But the inner conflict hasn't stopped. While everyone who told me staying home is a blessing is absolutely correct, I can't help but wonder if their budget was as tight as ours is and at what point is it more of a strain? I mean, our budget is TIGHT. That's part of the reason we are trying to get into a cheaper house, we bought this one when we were both working. Most days, Logan and I just stay home to conserve gas and money. And I get bored. And Logan loves TV. And I let him watch it...probably too much (although he is usually playing and doing other stuff while it's on. That's better, right?). I am not that crafty mom that does projects and activities everyday, although we do workbooks and paint, just not everyday. Most days I feel like such a bad SAHM. Is that normal? Why does this have to be so hard? Something just seems to be missing, maybe it's a baby, maybe it's just the money. But it's something. And I am exhausted trying to figure it out. Am I alone in this thinking? Please tell me I am not.

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