To IUI or Not To IUI?

This has been my question for the last year and a half. I have been battling with myself constantly over this and I know you have all heard it all before...I got Logan naturally, why can't I with this one? Am I a failure? Why is it so hard? Am I not trying hard enough? Maybe there's a reason I haven't gotten pregnant? The list goes on and on.


A year and a half ago I went to the fertility specialist and did a couple rounds of clomid and injections, which didn't work. He wanted to go ahead and do an IUI the next cycle but I just wasn't ready. I had just left teaching and we didn't want to spend the money and we thought that by me not working and having less stress that it would help in the fertility department. Looking back, we probably should have just done it but I really just didn't feel ready for it at the time. And I haven't felt ready for it--no amount of convincing or anxiety meds could help me make that phone call. It is hard to explain. Yes, I want to be pregnant and have another child so badly but going through all the testing/drugs/etc and the expense is a lot to deal with.


But now. NOW. I am ready. Like, so ready, I would call today and make the appointment if it wasn't a Saturday. I am not quite sure what the sudden change is (other than I told myself I would make the call in January) but I finally feel good about it. I have lost about 24 pounds and my cycles are semi-regular, but not normal by any means (still 45ish days apart, but that's tons better than the 90+ days it used to be). A friend of mine just found out she is pregnant after her 2nd round of IUI so that gives me some hope that it will work for me, too. I mean, I know it works, but I just worry that my body is so messed up that it will take a lot of time and money to actually make it happen, which makes me anxious. If nothing else has worked in the past (meds, injections, OPK's, sonograms, etc) then how will this be different? That is what worries me.


But how will I know if I don't try? The thing with IUI is that they have to monitor you very closely with multiple sonograms to see when/if you ovulate and since I ovulate (maybe) on a different schedule because my cycles are so long, then it makes sense that I would need that extra monitoring. In the past, my OBGYN had just given me meds and told me to come back on day 14 but since I don't have a 28 day cycle, that never worked. At least this way, we'll get a better idea of what is (or isn't) going on with my body. I am finally ready and it feels really good. Luckily, we have a very supportive family and my aunt and uncles have given us some money to go toward the cost and are willing to help with a 2nd round if necessary. Wish us luck!!