My sister invited me to join Pinterest a few months ago but I had no idea what it was or why it was as cool as she was claiming it was. Everyone kept saying it was a ginormously wonderful time suck and I just didn't get it--until now. I have found and "pinned" everything from things for the classroom to things for our next house or next baby and a LOT of recipes. I have tried 3 in the past week. All are keepers. There are a ton more I haven't gotten to, including an embarrassing amount of sweets and desserts that I can't wait to try (even though I shouldn't).
The first one I tried was Weight Watchers Taco Casserole. I thought it was good, Chris thought it needed more spice, and Logan, well, Logan wouldn't touch it but he won't touch many casseroles unless forced, especially if there's meat involved. I used ground meat instead of ground chicken because that's what I had on hand.
A couple nights later I tried Grilled Balsamic-Garlic Crusted Pork Tenderloin. I didn't grill it because Chris wasn't home and I don't trust myself around a grill. I also only did one pork tenderloin (it calls for 2, but since it's just 3 of us that's way too much) so I cut the recipe in half. It was very good, even Logan ate 6 small chunks, which is way out of his character. Typically he'll eat one or two because we make him try it but he ate everything I put on his plate without an argument. There may or may not have been a popsicle promised afterward. Either way, he ate it so it's definitely a keeper.
Tonight I made Weight Watchers Bruschetta Chicken Bake. I made the whole recipe, but put them in two dishes--one to freeze and one to cook tonight. BTW, I love that trick. I used to make an entire 13x9 casserole and poor Chris would be eating leftovers for a week or more (or it would get thrown out). Now, I just split it up so we have meals in the freezer. Works wonderfully. It was very good, Chris really seemed to enjoy this one. Next time I'll probably add more cheese on top right before it's done cooking but it definitely is just a personal preference. Also, the recipe didn't specify a temperature so I did 30 minutes at 350 degrees and the chicken wasn't quite cooked so I upped it to 400 degrees for 10 more minutes and it was done. So next time I'll do 400 for 30 minutes and it should be fine.
Next up to try:
Dreamsicle Shiver
Crock Pot Brown Sugar and Balsamic Glazed Pork Loin
Lemon Chicken
S'mores Candy Bars or S'mores Cookies or S'mores Pie (can you tell I love s'mores??)
Key Lime Cheesecake Bars (yum!)
and I would love to try these Homemade Goldfish Crackers for Logan
These won't get done in the next week by any means (I've got to stretch my grocery budget over the whole month!) but I can't wait to try them. If you are not on Pinterest, you should be. It's trouble. Leave your email address and I'll send you an invite.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Vicious Cycle
You know what sucks about infertility? The depression, self-blame, and confusion it causes, which causes you to not want to do anything other than lay in bed, which in turn means you're not doing what you need to do in order to get pregnant. And when you do, it's typically because you know you have to at least try. But it's a chore and you know in the back of your head it's probably not going to work...and then it's confirmed later that month, which puts you right back in your pit of depression. And it starts all over again.
It just sucks. What sucks worse is when nothing you've tried works. And the only thing left is a miracle or a pricey treatment, that even then isn't guaranteed. And with my body and how it's responded (or not responded) to everything else I've tried, I'm not real eager to spend that money.
It also sucks that despite the fact that I have a wonderful, funny, cute, smart 4 year old curly-headed, blond hair, blue eyed little boy, I still feel incomplete. Yet I can't change that. I can't fix it or fill that void, no matter what I try. It sucks that he is a year away from kindergarten and he doesn't have any siblings that I so desperately want him to have. I long to see how he interacts with my pregnant belly and eventually his newborn sibling, but for now it's just a dream in my head that I hope will come true sooner than later. And although I used to want my kids to all be about 2 years apart, I have now come to realize that I have really been able to enjoy 4 full years with just Logan, getting to know him and devote time to just him instead of him having to constantly share me. Now, if I had more kids closer together, I am sure my thoughts would be different. I am sure I have just adapted my thinking to avoid a deeper depression about the subject.
I just hope this vicious cycle is over soon.
It just sucks. What sucks worse is when nothing you've tried works. And the only thing left is a miracle or a pricey treatment, that even then isn't guaranteed. And with my body and how it's responded (or not responded) to everything else I've tried, I'm not real eager to spend that money.
It also sucks that despite the fact that I have a wonderful, funny, cute, smart 4 year old curly-headed, blond hair, blue eyed little boy, I still feel incomplete. Yet I can't change that. I can't fix it or fill that void, no matter what I try. It sucks that he is a year away from kindergarten and he doesn't have any siblings that I so desperately want him to have. I long to see how he interacts with my pregnant belly and eventually his newborn sibling, but for now it's just a dream in my head that I hope will come true sooner than later. And although I used to want my kids to all be about 2 years apart, I have now come to realize that I have really been able to enjoy 4 full years with just Logan, getting to know him and devote time to just him instead of him having to constantly share me. Now, if I had more kids closer together, I am sure my thoughts would be different. I am sure I have just adapted my thinking to avoid a deeper depression about the subject.
I just hope this vicious cycle is over soon.
Long Overdue Update
I haven't written in a while because there really wasn't anything to write about, at least in the fertility department. Logan and I have been trying to keep busy this summer, despite the heat, which usually means trips to the library, movies, or even just to Target to walk around. We've done a couple days at the water park but they're just so expensive. For our next house I am totally looking for one with a pool! Oh yeah, our house is on the market. We've had lots of showings, but no offers yet. But it's just been a month now. We're hoping to get something cheaper, closer to Chris' work, hopefully in the Grapevine area.
We've been doing lots of things with my best friend, Lindsey, and her little girl Reagan who is 3. She and Logan have become fast friends, which we love. Last year, they were still too different in age to play together (2 & 3) but this year (3 & 4) they seem to be able to play and get along much better.
As far as fertility, after our last failed Clomid cycle (where my body did NOTHING, by the way), my OB/GYN said I needed to go ahead and move on to the specialist again but he did put me on Metformin, which is usually given to diabetics to help regulate their blood sugar or block some extra sugars in their body or something like that. Well, apparently it works on women with PCOS because it somehow blocks the extra testosterone and sometimes regulates their cycles, helping them to ovulate and hopefully become pregnant. I don't know all the medical stuff involved, but I figured I'd give it a shot. After being on it 3 weeks, I got my first non-induced cycle! Now I don't know for sure that the Metformin did it, but for at least the past year I've had to induce my cycles with Provera, so this was my first "natural" cycle. And let me tell you, it was NOT. FUN. AT. ALL. The Metformin comes with some not so fun side effects, though, mainly involving the stomach and digestive system. I'm finally over the constant nausea that lasted a month but there are lingering side effects that aren't enjoyable (although the lack of appetite doesn't bother me). But I am losing weight. So, if another cycle comes on in the next week, then I will continue to deal with the side effects because that means my body is finally doing something right, which makes it worth it. Chris may disagree...I've been pretty unpleasant lately.
In other news, we've been trying to figure out what I am going to do next year. I am not watching the other little boy anymore so I have to do something to bring in some income and take some of the load off Chris. I had *planned* on subbing at Logan's MDO so he would be 1/2 price and I would have some income. Wouldn't be much, but it would be something since they didn't have any teacher openings. Then a lady I worked with at my old school texted me about a part-time SPED position at our school that they just posted, which typically means M-F 7:40-11:40 am. Inner conflict immediately ensued. Do I really want to go back already? I just started staying home. Will everyone think I am a SAHM failure since I came back so soon? What if I get pregnant? Where will Logan go? Before I could think too much, I applied. Doesn't mean I'll get it, but we can just see what happens. But the inner conflict hasn't stopped. While everyone who told me staying home is a blessing is absolutely correct, I can't help but wonder if their budget was as tight as ours is and at what point is it more of a strain? I mean, our budget is TIGHT. That's part of the reason we are trying to get into a cheaper house, we bought this one when we were both working. Most days, Logan and I just stay home to conserve gas and money. And I get bored. And Logan loves TV. And I let him watch it...probably too much (although he is usually playing and doing other stuff while it's on. That's better, right?). I am not that crafty mom that does projects and activities everyday, although we do workbooks and paint, just not everyday. Most days I feel like such a bad SAHM. Is that normal? Why does this have to be so hard? Something just seems to be missing, maybe it's a baby, maybe it's just the money. But it's something. And I am exhausted trying to figure it out. Am I alone in this thinking? Please tell me I am not.
We've been doing lots of things with my best friend, Lindsey, and her little girl Reagan who is 3. She and Logan have become fast friends, which we love. Last year, they were still too different in age to play together (2 & 3) but this year (3 & 4) they seem to be able to play and get along much better.
As far as fertility, after our last failed Clomid cycle (where my body did NOTHING, by the way), my OB/GYN said I needed to go ahead and move on to the specialist again but he did put me on Metformin, which is usually given to diabetics to help regulate their blood sugar or block some extra sugars in their body or something like that. Well, apparently it works on women with PCOS because it somehow blocks the extra testosterone and sometimes regulates their cycles, helping them to ovulate and hopefully become pregnant. I don't know all the medical stuff involved, but I figured I'd give it a shot. After being on it 3 weeks, I got my first non-induced cycle! Now I don't know for sure that the Metformin did it, but for at least the past year I've had to induce my cycles with Provera, so this was my first "natural" cycle. And let me tell you, it was NOT. FUN. AT. ALL. The Metformin comes with some not so fun side effects, though, mainly involving the stomach and digestive system. I'm finally over the constant nausea that lasted a month but there are lingering side effects that aren't enjoyable (although the lack of appetite doesn't bother me). But I am losing weight. So, if another cycle comes on in the next week, then I will continue to deal with the side effects because that means my body is finally doing something right, which makes it worth it. Chris may disagree...I've been pretty unpleasant lately.
In other news, we've been trying to figure out what I am going to do next year. I am not watching the other little boy anymore so I have to do something to bring in some income and take some of the load off Chris. I had *planned* on subbing at Logan's MDO so he would be 1/2 price and I would have some income. Wouldn't be much, but it would be something since they didn't have any teacher openings. Then a lady I worked with at my old school texted me about a part-time SPED position at our school that they just posted, which typically means M-F 7:40-11:40 am. Inner conflict immediately ensued. Do I really want to go back already? I just started staying home. Will everyone think I am a SAHM failure since I came back so soon? What if I get pregnant? Where will Logan go? Before I could think too much, I applied. Doesn't mean I'll get it, but we can just see what happens. But the inner conflict hasn't stopped. While everyone who told me staying home is a blessing is absolutely correct, I can't help but wonder if their budget was as tight as ours is and at what point is it more of a strain? I mean, our budget is TIGHT. That's part of the reason we are trying to get into a cheaper house, we bought this one when we were both working. Most days, Logan and I just stay home to conserve gas and money. And I get bored. And Logan loves TV. And I let him watch it...probably too much (although he is usually playing and doing other stuff while it's on. That's better, right?). I am not that crafty mom that does projects and activities everyday, although we do workbooks and paint, just not everyday. Most days I feel like such a bad SAHM. Is that normal? Why does this have to be so hard? Something just seems to be missing, maybe it's a baby, maybe it's just the money. But it's something. And I am exhausted trying to figure it out. Am I alone in this thinking? Please tell me I am not.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Update
So I went to OB/GYN Thursday for my day 3 sono and all looked fine. Even my blood pressure didn't skyrocket (partially b/c I thought I was just there for a sono and knew they wouldn't be examining me) terribly high! After the sono I met with the doctor because he wanted to make sure we were on the same page, treatment wise. He prescribed Clomid and wanted to do some injections as well, he even asked if I remembered how much they were last time I did them (over a year ago). I couldn't remember but I didn't *think* they were that bad so the nurse called the pharmacy and checked. $305!!! For 3 shots! And of course, my insurance won't cover a darn thing (they want prior authorization, which takes 2-5 days that we didn't have, and they probably would have denied it anyway). Dr. Wai overheard the cost and knew our financial situation (and knew that I could save that money for an IUI if this round of Clomid doesn't work) and just doubled my Clomid dosage and said we might use the trigger shot I already have at the day 14 sono if I have a good follicle. So, we'll see. I know I am not doing all I could do since I am not doing the injections, but they didn't work last time, so I know I can just save that money to put towards the IUI that has a better shot anyway. I love the fact that Dr. Wai and his office staff didn't make me feel bad for not wanting to pay $305 for the injections. He is a great doctor and I love his nurses as well. This was proven to me even more over the weekend when my best friend had her baby and she said he was awesome (which was a different experience from her 1st birth with our old doctor that we both went to).
So, here's to hoping/praying this works by some miracle of God. I go back on May 2nd. Hope the Clomid is nice to everyone in the meantime. :)
So, here's to hoping/praying this works by some miracle of God. I go back on May 2nd. Hope the Clomid is nice to everyone in the meantime. :)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Ladies Man
The other day I picked Logan up from MDO and a little girl came out of the classroom next to his to tell him good-bye...she's not even in his class. He kind of grinned and said bye and I asked him who it was (he told me, I just can't remember her name).
Me: Is that your girlfriend?
L: Yes.
Me: I thought Emery and Andie were your girlfriends?
L: They are.
Me: Well, how many girlfriends do you have?
L: I think maybe 4.
Me: Really? Wow. You are quite the ladies' man.
L: Yeah. Cash is a ladies' man, too. We're both ladies' mans.
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Then yesterday we were at a friends' house painting Easter pictures and he made 2 extra pictures for 2 of his girlfriends, Emery and Andie. We had to take them to school today so he could put them in their cubbies. I am in so much trouble...
Me: Is that your girlfriend?
L: Yes.
Me: I thought Emery and Andie were your girlfriends?
L: They are.
Me: Well, how many girlfriends do you have?
L: I think maybe 4.
Me: Really? Wow. You are quite the ladies' man.
L: Yeah. Cash is a ladies' man, too. We're both ladies' mans.
******************************************************
Then yesterday we were at a friends' house painting Easter pictures and he made 2 extra pictures for 2 of his girlfriends, Emery and Andie. We had to take them to school today so he could put them in their cubbies. I am in so much trouble...
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| Logan and Uncle Ryan (his Ladies' Man mentor) |
Still Nothing
I went to my OB/GYN for my annual appointment a couple weeks ago...man, do I hate going there. My blood pressure shoots through the roof and I have to convince them that it's not normally high, I just have major white coat syndrome, especially at *that* type of doctor. Then they look through my chart and see how much it fluctuates and believe me. I knew going in that I was going to discuss doing more fertility meds since it has been almost a year since we last went to the specialist. I was hoping we could do some more Clomid, injections, and sonograms at the OB/GYN so it could be coded as irregular cycles or something and actually be covered by insurance, whereas at the specialist, it most definitely is not covered. When I brought it up, my doctor was kind of hesitant. He confirmed that I do most likely have mild PCOS, which explains why I don't ovulate regularly (if at all), and therefore am having such a hard time getting pregnant. He made it known that he would rather send me back to the specialist but upon seeing my frustration/desperation and hearing about the $125 sonograms, he agreed to do another Clomid cycle with me. Of course, I know it may not work (again) but it's worth a shot (literally, I have a leftover injection from last year we may get to use!). After that, then hopefully I will have the courage to go back to the specialist and just get it done because obviously nothing else was working. I am so incredibly desperate to be pregnant again and even more desperate to just have another baby. I have even been joking around about adopting (not really joking, I am not at all against it, I just want to be pregnant again).
So wish me luck tomorrow at my day 3 sonogram and all donations toward the specialist are being accepted at this time. :)
So wish me luck tomorrow at my day 3 sonogram and all donations toward the specialist are being accepted at this time. :)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Happy 4th Birthday!
He's officially 4. I have a 4 year old. Wow. Logan has had an awesome birthday week--His birthday party was at Church at the Cross Kidztown Treehouse and it was stress-free and low key, the easiest birthday party he's had yet. All the kids had a ball and then, of course, we went to Fuzzy's that night with friends and family to break in the patio, as is our tradition.
Sunday night Heather, Ryan, & T-Luv came over for dinner since T-Luv was going to be out of town for his birthday. He got Logan a real harmonica and a new Spiderman bike since his other one was not the highest quality and was already a bit small for him. Logan was excited about the bike but is a little hesitant to use it because it is harder to pedal and it stops when he pedals backward, which he doesn't like.
Tuesday Aunt Toni took him on a birthday date to Legoland & Rainforest Cafe in Grapevine Mills Mall. He loved every minute of it and enjoyed going somewhere he had never been before. Of course, since I wasn't able to go I made sure they took a bunch of pictures.
Wednesday was his actual birthday and when he woke up I made him pancakes and he decorated them with sprinkles and sang Happy Birthday and blew out a candle. He had school that day. It was a bonus that it was PJ Day at school so he got to wear his new Superman PJ's from Aunt Sarah and Lillie. He also picked out cupcakes to take to school.
It was a great 4th birthday and he is growing up so fast. I wish he would stop growing but last night he told me he "had to grow so he could do Daddy stuff...working, going out of town like T-Luv, playing golf, baseball, and football." He has big ideas, this kid. And I love that he idolizes his Dad and T-Luv. He's going to be a wonderful man someday. Happy Birthday Logan. We love you more than you'll ever know.
Sunday night Heather, Ryan, & T-Luv came over for dinner since T-Luv was going to be out of town for his birthday. He got Logan a real harmonica and a new Spiderman bike since his other one was not the highest quality and was already a bit small for him. Logan was excited about the bike but is a little hesitant to use it because it is harder to pedal and it stops when he pedals backward, which he doesn't like.
Tuesday Aunt Toni took him on a birthday date to Legoland & Rainforest Cafe in Grapevine Mills Mall. He loved every minute of it and enjoyed going somewhere he had never been before. Of course, since I wasn't able to go I made sure they took a bunch of pictures.
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| Logan's self-taken picture of him and Aunt Toni |
That night he opened his gifts from Mommy & Daddy--a case for his Leapster Explorer (and the teeny tiny games he's slowly collecting), a Scooby Doo beach towel, Scooby Doo books, and a Scooby Doo movie. He was so excited about all of it. I love that it doesn't take much to please him and he was probably most excited about the books, which I love even more. Then we ate dinner and had a chocolate cake I made, upon his request, and then he and Chris played tackle.
It was a great 4th birthday and he is growing up so fast. I wish he would stop growing but last night he told me he "had to grow so he could do Daddy stuff...working, going out of town like T-Luv, playing golf, baseball, and football." He has big ideas, this kid. And I love that he idolizes his Dad and T-Luv. He's going to be a wonderful man someday. Happy Birthday Logan. We love you more than you'll ever know.
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