Taking the Plunge

So I did it...I officially resigned yesterday, effective June 5, 2010. I will be a SAHM starting then! I am excited beyond belief, I finally get to do what I have always wanted. I am also scared beyond belief...finances will be very tight, but everyone I have talked to said it was the same with them and they wouldn't change it for the world. Chris is extremely positive about it and is constantly having to reassure me that we are doing the right thing. He is so much better at having faith than me. I have faith in him that he will do whatever he has to do to keep us afloat, but I hate that he will have to work ALL THE TIME to make this happen for us. But he is willing to make the sacrifice for our family and I love and appreciate him so much for that. I am so lucky to have such a hard-working husband who only wants the best for his family no matter what he has to do.

Of course, I will be working part-time to help out hopefully. I would love to work at a MDO so Logan can go--I really want to get him into a "school-like" environment. I don't think he is one of those kids that would do well at home all day, he needs the socialization and the "rules" that a classroom would provide. I don't think he would do well at all if Kindergarten was his first experience with that. His sitter has been wonderful--she has had him since he was 5 months old--but it's time to move on. We still plan on meeting up with them for outings next year. I would also be open to watching 1 or 2 kids full or part time. If I do it full time, then I would still put Logan in a MDO 2 days a week and I would just stay home. I don't want to watch a lot of kids because I still want to be able to go places with Logan. If he has a program at school, I want to be able to go see it, which I wouldn't be able to do with a lot of kids. But nothing is for sure yet, except the not going back to work thing (scary).

In other news, I found out I have PCOS on Thursday, which explains everything that has been going on with my body since the age of 12. I am a little frustrated that no other doctor has ever caught this since I've apparently had it my whole life, but I guess that's what specialists are for. So I'm on new meds (Clomid--watch out everyone) and having a procedure done Thursday to look for blocked tubes and then we'll see what happens. Everything has kind of fallen into place this month, so maybe this will be it!

Decisions, decisions

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be one of those moms that stayed home with their kids and was really involved with their school once they were school-age--you know, did the room mom stuff and volunteered at the school. So I was, of course, disappointed when I had Logan and realized I could not stay home. For one, I had just started my first year of teaching when we found out I was pregnant. Number two, we weren't in a good financial place to live off of Chris' income alone. But I found an awesome sitter who has had Logan since he was just under 5 months old and she has been wonderful. I never worry when he is with her, which is great. But my problem is that I don't feel like I am giving my whole self to Logan when I am off work. I am tired and grouchy and just not very fun, I am sure. And at school, I know I am not giving my all because I am always thinking of Logan in the back of my mind and wishing I was the one home with him. So, it's extremely hard to feel like you aren't 100% satisfied in either aspect of your life--home or work.

Chris and I have discussed me staying home once we have another child (if/when that happens--that's another story) because at that point childcare costs would almost take up half of my paycheck. I would have to do something on the side to bring in some income, but if we could get some stuff paid off and learn how to really budget, we're hoping we can make this work. We just started taking the Financial Peace University course at a local church and so far, it's been good. Of course, we're only one class in but I think it will be good for us. While at the first class, a couple of other women were talking about how they stayed home with their kids and how it was the best thing they ever did. It was as if they were talking to me directly. I hated missing Logan's first steps and even his first poop in the potty and I don't want to miss any more and if we have another child, I really don't want to have missed out on his/her firsts as well. One woman at the class was saying how she didn't even know how to potty-train her 3rd child because the daycare had done it with her other two when she was working and now that she was staying home, she was clueless. I don't want to be that way.

After the class, Chris and I were talking and he sensed the push as well. We both just feel like these things are coming to us for a reason and we need to start preparing. Now, I do not hate my job by any stretch but I know I am not working as hard or doing as much as I should as a teacher due to my mind/heart really not being into it at this point. But I am also scared to stay home. What do you do all day? I don't want to lay around on the couch and watch TV and get fat(ter). I want to say that I will do all this educational stuff and enrich my kids' lives and everything, but it would be so easy to be lazy, too. Just being honest. Although, I'm sure the laziness would get old real fast (for me and especially for Chris). On the other hand, when would I go back to work? And when I did, would I get back in at the school I am at, which I love? There are no guarantees and I absolutely hate interviewing. I got so lucky with the job I am at--the interview was so laid back. But things are changing and school districts are tough now, even though it's only been 4 years.

So, for so many reasons, the decision is a tough one. I never expected it to be tough but when you factor everything in, it really is. Of course, I am definitely leaning towards the SAH route and we'll just deal with the other stuff as it comes. We've even discussed moving even though we just moved into this house a year ago. But if we're not tied to our location for my job and the sitter, then there's no reason why we couldn't move closer to Chris' work and live in a cheaper tax area than Keller. One step at a time, I know, but the mortgage is our biggest bill and if we could lower it and still have the space we needed, then why not?

The other decision: Logan's birthday party. I just realized that his birthday is a month away and I have no clue where to have his party. I don't want to do it at the house again, that's a beating. The gymnastics place I was thinking of doesn't have any good times available. And I was thinking about doing it at a park again, but the weather always makes that iffy. I've got to figure something out, though. Invitations need to go out and plans have to be made.

Think I'm stressed much?

He is his mother's son

So Monday, February 15th 2010 is a day that I will probably bring up to Logan for years to come. We had just finished eating dinner and I was cleaning up the dishes and Chris was playing with Logan at the table. Something about pulling Chris' finger and Logan letting go, etc.--giggles all around. Next thing I know, Logan pulls his finger and lets go with force and falls backward off the pub-height chair onto the tile floor. Now I didn't "see" him fall but I heard the impact and looked at Logan and he looked stunned and then the tears came. Chris picked him up and tried to calm him down and convince him to breathe (Logan tends to forget to do that when he freaks out) and took him to the couch. When Logan regained his breathing abilities he wanted me immediately. Chris got him ice and he layed on me and actually let me put ice on his head (duh--should have been clue #1). Of course he was still crying and obviously in pain, but I couldn't tell if he had a bump or just a bumpy head so we weren't freaking out. After a little while we started trying to engage him in conversation to make sure he was okay. I asked him what show we were watching (Yo Gabba Gabba--which he knows) and he was unable to spit out the words--almost as if he was speaking gibberish or something (should have been clue #2). But after a couple minutes he was able to tell us so we still weren't freaking out. For the rest of the night he just wanted to lay on the couch but he was talking to us and not crying anymore so we figured all was good. He went to bed as normal.

The next day I took him to the sitter and told her about his head and for her to let me know if she notices anything strange. She didn't call me that day but she called Wednesday to tell me he was complaining of his head hurting when he was jumping on their mini trampoline. I decided to call the doctor just to make sure all was okay. They got us in immediately to do a neuro check. At this point, I was feeling horrible--why didn't we take him Monday night or at least Tuesday? What if there is something wrong and we didn't do anything about it and now it's too late?? And Chris wasn't so great either, he was blaming himself since he was the one that caused the fall. Anyway, doctor's visit checked out fine. Pupils-fine, motor skills-fine, mild concussion-yes. Just have to watch him and make sure he doesn't jar his head anymore (aka--no more trampoline for a while).

Thursday is normal--even went to gymnastics with Chris (probably not the best idea, looking back on it) but they did leave early because Logan was complaining of his head hurting. He came home, I gave him some Tylenol and he ate and went to bed.

Next morning I am getting him ready to leave and I put his hoodie on his head and feel a mushy spot on his head and realize it's taken over the right side of his skull. Now I'm freaking out. For some reason, I still sent him with Chris to go to the sitter (what was I thinking??) thinking I'll call the doctor but they don't open til 8:30 anyway so I can at least get to work on time and then leave. Big dummy. I call Chris and tell him to bring him back. I took him to school with me and did my morning duty and then took him to the doctor at 8:30. No call, just showed up when they opened. Of course they got us right in and the nurse practitioner that we saw on Wednesday saw us that day. She felt the mushiness asked some questions and decided he needed a skull series (x-rays) but called Dr. Robert in to make sure he didn't need anything else. I, of course, got a little emotional hoping there wasn't anything else wrong. Luckily, the x-rays didn't show any fractures and they didn't feel the need for a CT scan so we just have to watch him to make sure he doesn't hit his head again while he has the mushiness, which by the way was a rather large hematoma according to the doctor. The hematoma (fluid under the skin) could last 2 weeks to 2 months. My poor child.

Almost exactly 2 weeks later and the mushiness is almost all gone, thank heavens. He still says it hurts occasionally but the child LOVES medicine so I have a hard time knowing if he's saying it just to get medicine.

That was my first real Mommy scare--sure, he's had other small things happen but nothing this major. I'm sure it won't be his last, but head injuries are really scary. I feel like I can almost breathe again. Now we're just waiting on his chipped/damaged tooth (from Christmas) to abscess so the dentist can extract it--yep, that's the latest injury...will it ever end?? Probably not, he is a boy and he apparently inherited my grace.

Dang it!

So that is Logan's newest word--"Dang it!" I know there are far worse things he could say, but I really don't want my 2 year old running around saying it. When I first realized that's what he was saying, he told me Daddy says it. Chris then told me he heard it from TV--I don't hear "dang it" very often on TV--especially on Nick Jr., which is pretty much what TV consists of right now. Anywho, I told Logan he should say "Oh, man!" instead if he gets angry/frustrated (which is a lot these days) and now I hear that all the time, which gets REALLY old. Every once in a while he'll slip a "dang it" in there to see if I'm listening and all I have to do is shoot him "the eye" and he promptly corrects himself with "oh, man!"

Now we really have to watch our mouths--not only does he repeat but he uses it in the right context as well, which is a whole different ball game. I don't cuss (except "crap"--gotta watch that one) and Chris rarely does, at least around us, so it shouldn't be too hard. It's the extended family (namely my brother) that we are going to have to watch, although they find it to be hilarious when Logan repeats--"Bone Daddy's, woo!" is the most recent one. We're in trouble.

30 minute increments

That's how my weekend was spent--30 minute increments. Well, we gradually worked up to hour increments, but still, that takes a toll on a weekend when most of your time is spent in a bathroom (with a 2 year old, people). But things are going great! Logan stays dry all day, except the pooping thing, but even naps are dry. He goes potty every time the timer goes off, which is now every hour. That 30 minute thing was a beating. By the time we got off the potty it seemed like it was time to go back. At least now he is able to produce. He got Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs on Saturday for filling up his potty chart and is now working toward earning Up, which I am sure he'll have in the next couple days.

I have tomorrow off to see about Logan's gray tooth. He fell on Christmas night and hit the coffee table. All looked okay, barely any blood, so I thought he was fine despite the horrific sound it made when he actually hit the coffee table. A couple days later I noticed some bruising on his gums, but the kid was biting into a whole apple with no trouble, so again, I thought we were in the clear. A week or so later I noticed him not wanting to chew with his front teeth and started noticing some discoloration. So, yeah, the tooth is probably dying. Guess we ought to go see about that. This is the same tooth he has chipped and fallen on before, so obviously Logan and this tooth were not meant to be.

We also will be going to my doctor tomorrow, which is always fun. I have taken Logan with me before and he does great except for all the questions--

"Mommy, why are your pants off?"
"Put your shoes on."
"Mommy, where's your penis?"
"Where's the doctor?"
"What's that?"

Fun stuff. Starting month 4 of meds and I'm sure he'll suggest injections, but I am just not going to pay out of pocket for injections. I'll keep doing what we've been doing, but I am not going to take us to the poor house to have another baby. I've been blessed once, I don't need to push it. It will happen if it is meant to. Kind of sucks that I am at that point, but I know how lucky I am to have one child. Sure, I would LOVE to have another one and I don't even want to think about never being pregnant again, so I am choosing to stay positive and have faith that whatever will be will be.

I will update tomorrow. I am sure there will be some stories to tell from his dentist visit and my doctor visit. Wish me luck.

Potty-Training isn't a beating after all...

or maybe I'm just doing it wrong. We have been doing the timed thing since Thursday (take him every 30-45 minutes). He usually is able to go potty at least a little bit and has only had 3 or 4 accidents since Thursday (not counting nap or nighttime--or poop, but that will be later, I am sure). But this is with us telling him to go every 30-45 minutes. Does this suddenly change over to him telling us he needs to go? Cause he has yet to do that. He will tell us right after he goes since he feels it now, but that's as far as we've gotten. I'm already growing tired of the 'every 30 minutes' thing and I am trying to stretch it to 45, which has gone pretty well. When he can't go, he says "There's no tee-tee in my penis." So cute, this kid.

He's so dang cute in his little underwear, too. I bought him some boxer briefs, but I haven't put those on him yet. I know those will be adorable.

He's very excited about going potty right now, which is a change from a couple months ago when he was just completely content in his diaper. When he fills up his potty sticker chart (which will happen today, I am sure) he was told he gets a movie. He chose "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." My preference was "Up" but I am sure we will be starting another potty chart when this one is filled.

Now, he really is growing up and I need another baby, stat!

Are you sure, Mommy?

We went to a dog-themed birthday party this morning and on the way home Logan was pretending to eat out of the dog bowl he got at the party and he said he was a doggy and proceeded to bark. The conversation went as follows:

L: I'm a dog, Mommy.
Me: Really?
L: Yes, woof, woof. Are you a dog, Mommy?
Me: No, I'm not a dog.
L: Are you sure, Mommy?
Me: Yes, I'm sure.
L: (Puts bowl on head) Well, I'm a hat dog, Mommy!