Happy

That's the word I would actually use to describe myself at this point in my life, despite my current fertility issues. This is my 2nd year staying home and I have absolutely loved it this year. Last year, it was more difficult for me. We were still adjusting to the change in income, I was still adjusting to not working full-time, and I was struggling with not having friends to talk to. Most of my friends were still working (most of them teaching) so it wasn't like I had a group to get together with on a consistent basis. My husband, sister, and close friends could all tell I wasn't loving staying home but I just couldn't figure out how to be happy and then I began wondering if I made the wrong choice by staying home, which made me feel like a horrible mom.


Fast forward to this year...I started subbing at Logan's new preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays and LOVED it. It is an awesome preschool (Southlake Christian Preschool at The Hills Church, if anyone is wondering) and I really enjoyed getting to know all the women there. They brought me on as a permanent sub in October, which meant I came every day (T/Th) and they just put me in whatever class had a teacher out. So it varied from day to day but it was an awesome way to get to know everyone there. It's very hard to get on there because no one leaves, so I jumped at the chance to become permanent. In December, I started working on Mondays as well, cleaning and sanitizing with a few of the other women, which added to my paycheck and helped me and Logan get even more social interaction. Then I started working Wednesdays for a bible study and Sunday mornings in the nursery. So I am basically working Sunday-Thursday but I love every minute of it. It just feels right. Logan is comfortable there (maybe too comfortable) and we have both met some wonderful friends. For the first time since I have started staying home, I actually have women to hang out with that have kids around Logan's age and it is so wonderful. Just today we took all the kids up to Central Market and let the kids play for a couple hours and we are already talking about summer trips to the waterpark and movies.


All my family and close friends have commented on how happy I have been this year and it is true, although the addition of Prozac may have something to do with it. I am sad for preschool to be ending but I know I will stay in touch with everyone over the summer. It has been a perfect balance of staying home and working. Logan can always come with me and it's not all day, every day.


As far as fertility issues, IUI #3 was unsuccessful. I was disappointed, of course, and I was realizing how emotionally and physically (and financially) drained I was feeling. But I pressed on, not wanting to give myself a break. I went to the doctor this past Saturday for my day 2 sono and we discovered I had 2 cysts, too big to allow treatment this cycle. So I am being forced to take a break whether I like it or not, which, I have to admit, is kind of nice. I think someone up above knew I needed a break but wasn't going to take one on my own.


So, despite all that, I am still happy. Sure, I desperately want another child but for now I am enjoying my job, my friends, and my family.  Sure, money is still tight and Chris seems like he is always working but we still have family time and are able to do fun things together. Of course there are days where Logan is wearing me out but then I think about next year when he is going to be off at Kindergarten all day (and he will be wearing out his teacher) and realize I *might* actually miss that. Yeah, my house isn't as spotless (or even close) as I pictured a SAHM's house being, but my hatred of cleaning hasn't changed since I began staying home. I really need to work on that...or figure out how to fit a maid into the budget (ha!).


This is the way I pictured my life when I thought about staying home and I am so glad I am finally there.

Our family at the zoo on my 32nd birthday