Thursday, August 19, 2010

I've Finally Seen the Light!

It has been an anxiety-ridden last 6 months--deciding not to return to work was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. And I never thought that would be the case. I always thought quitting to stay home with my child would be the easiest decision I ever made, but when you are attached to your students/teacher friends/the income it is much harder than I ever thought. I trusted Chris, though, and took the leap and this summer has been hard on me. Ask anyone, mainly my sister, and they will tell you I have been an anxious/worried mess. Many have suggested medication. :) I was just freaking out about quitting a job I loved (most of the time), losing half our income, and never getting that job back (at that school) when I was ready to return. Poor Chris wasn't quite sure what to say during all this. He thought when I quit all my stress would be gone--but does he not know who he married? I just find other things to stress about. He wondered if I would ever be happy and I can't blame him for feeling that way. I was unhappy when I was working because I wasn't home with Logan and now that I am not working, I was still stressing out. He does everything in his power for myself and Logan and yet I have been questioning everything instead of just trusting and appreciating him. Well, it finally changed yesterday.

I am not sure why or exactly what even happened, but I was sitting in the living room watching TV when, around 4:30, Logan came out of his room in his t-shirt and underwear (this is what he wants to wear around the house) and said "Good morning" in his sweet little voice and came to me and hugged me and continued to lay on me.

Now this wasn't the first time he has done this--he wakes me up every morning with a "Good morning--it's sunny outside" as he proceeds to crawl in bed with me for another 30 minutes before "let's go pick out bressast (breakfast) now."

So I am not sure why it hit me yesterday but as soon as he said it, something just came over me and made me realize this is what I've been missing--being there for him when he wakes up from naps, falls down, learns something new, sings and dances in the living room, says all these adorably hilarious new things. And then all was right with the world. My worries were gone (as much as they can be for me) and I realized things were going to be okay.

Sure, I am going to miss my students and teacher friends and school like crazy but they will all be there when I decide to return. I have already missed so much of Logan's first 3 years, I am finally able to appreciate that I don't have to miss any more!

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